kaip ir reikėjo tikėtis
Mano žvakę kambary užpūtė. Nebėra sienų, nebėra shelter. Liko tik grindys ir lietus.
kaip aš tikiuos, kad tai tik košmaras, iš kurio pabusiu..
Mano žvakę kambary užpūtė. Nebėra sienų, nebėra shelter. Liko tik grindys ir lietus.
kaip aš tikiuos, kad tai tik košmaras, iš kurio pabusiu..
kaip keista. kai stoviu ant krasto, niekur nejudu, ir niekas nebeturi prasmes. regis viskas ja praranda. keista, kai zmones, kurie mane ismokino technines puses, ir visas emocijas paversti procesais, o ne emo, abejones neparasytu kodu, o finale sako, kad man lengva viska apskaiciuot. juk patys to ir ismoket. patys is manes padaryt tariama pseudo-mechanine butybe, kuri pradeda viska isskaiciuot, apsvarstyt, palyginti su gautais isskaiciuotais duomenimis, ir kas nepriimtina atmest.... nzn ar tai gerai.. nzn, ar tai MAN gerai... nzn ar as taip isgyvensiu....
nenoriu but viena, o ta zmogu, kuris mane suprato bent jau,...ir ismoke visko, ka zinau dabar....as prarandu...
Senokai bebuvo taip, kad norėčiau atostogų. Ne nuo darbo, ne nuo mokslų. o shape, nuo kasdienybės. Užmigt keletui dienų, pabūt kitur, kur viskas nusispjaut ir kai nusibos, žinai, kad pabusi. Nes man nepatinka tas poxuizmo jausmas in real life.Kažkaip jis pareina tada, kai to visiškai nereikia. Pasilepinsiu ir paskirsiu bent jau dieną sau. Darysiu ką noriu, kur noriu, kaip noriu, su kuo noriu. Priežastys irgi asmeninės.
Reikia atstatyt visas sienas, nebesijaučiu saugi...
Come up to meet you, Tell you I’m sorry, You don’t know how lovely you are
I had to find you, Tell you I need you, Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, And ask me your questions, Aww let’s go back to the start
Runnin’ in circles, [sounds like] Comin’ our tails, Heads on the science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Aww take me back to the start
I was just guessin’, At numbers and figures, Pullin’ the puzzles apart
Questions of science, Science and progress, Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me, Come back to haunt me, Oh when I rush to the start
Runnin’ in circles, [sounds like] Chasin’ our tails, Comin’ back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Aww It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I’m goin’ back to the start
kiek vertas nuoširdus apkabinimas? sugebantis išspausti ašaras?
The illumination from under the surface of the water seems to break to many rays of light, like spears slashing through the sapphire blue sky. But she didn't see it. Now inside she felt like struggling to survive a storm, that had only one purpose - drown her inside. Sometimes it seemed that this life was just a one big lie. Noone around seems to tell the truth. Was there even a reason to try? Try and reach something YOU want? People would call you crazy, but with what purpose? Jelousy? That you have a goal to hit, you have a point in life and desperately try to reach it. But really at moments such as this one, you really want to quit on everything, just build a wall around yourself that noone could get to you and noone could hurt you. But that's the easy way out. Anyhow all she could think about was him. She couldn't focus on doing anything at all, God, even sitting quietly in the corner of a run down cafe and drinking beer reminded her of him. But no matter how many times she tried to find him again, pointless, useless. The only thing that rang inside her was his tender voice, saying 'it's ok...i'm here, i won't let you go'. She wanted that sunlight she had in her once back. It didn't matter now, even if he would hate her, but still be there, it wouldn't matter, just as long as she could see him and know that he's alright. Drowning in her thoughts she sat there on the tip of a cliff, staring at the ocean, it's raging waves smashing at the motionless rocks. The sunset was beautiful, it colored the sky from light blue to a fiery red, but it had some kind of tenderness in it. She could die for this view, it soothed her inside, made her feel not that lonely anymore. Just on this thought someone gently placed hands around her shoulders and pressed near her. Slowly closing her eyes she felt his scent in the air, his warm breath tickling her neck. She turned around to see if her mind was playing tricks on her again, and this time it didn't. It really was him. All this time she was looking for him, hoping to find him, someplace but to no avail, and now he was standing there in front of her, plain and real. She couldn't even describe how happy she was to see his smile again. Tears streamed down her cheeks and there was nothing she could do about it. She pressed herself to him, locked her arms around his neck swearing in her mind never to let him go again, but instead of all the words she wanted to say and all the questions she wanted to ask, she asked only one: "did i ever tell you how much i love you?"
Mirtis - kiekvieno organizmo fizinės būties galutinė fazė. Organizme vykstant gyvybinės veiklos procesams, ląstelės nuolat žūva, tačiau jų vietą pakeičia naujos. Mirtis ištinka, kai sutrinka darni organizmo arba organizmo ir aplinkos apykaita. Mirties priežastys gali būti: progresuojantys senatvės pakitimai, patologiniai procesai, gyvybę nutraukiantys įvairūs aplinkos veiksniai.
Sėdžiu šurmuly,o viduj tyla.Lempos šviesoj raitosi cigarečių dūmai kažkuom primenantys fraktalus.Ir šiaip visa diena vien skaičiukai.Per tą darbą visur matau tik skaičiukus,telefono numerius ir kiekvieno asmens pavardé atrodo girdėta.Vidus vis klausinėja,ar tai man?Ar man tai bent jau patinka?Ir išvis...jei ne mano šeima ir aplinkybės,kur aš būčiau ir ką aš daryčiau?Tikrai ne teisę studinčiau...
Vaikštais koridoriais, žiūri į išpaišytas sienas, rėkiančias savo praeitį tau į akis. Ant kiekvienos sienos vis kažkas naujo. Tai nuotraukos, tai gyvenimo aprašymai, tai emocijų akimirkos įsigėrusios i tas pačias niūrias tavo labirinto sienas. Laiptai, kambariai. Langai, išgriautos sienos, pro kurias matosi tolis, kuriame kartu nematyti nieko. Juodam fone, pilki debesys, plaukiantys nenatūraliai dideliu greičiu. Kažkur fone aidi juokas, matosi ryškios žibintų šviesos, judantys žmonių siluetai išmargina gatvės tylą. Į viską žiūri iš tolio. Matai visą judesį, išskaitai mintis iš žmonių veidų. Bet neišskaitai to, kurį norėtum perprast. Gal vidus neleidžia? Gal neįdomu matyti to kas bus? Netgi nematyt, o jaust? Juk tikrai, koks skirtumas ką tu žmogui sakai apie savo jausmus, jei jis tavo žodžių nejaučia... Kokia prasmė žiūrėti kažkam į akis, jei ten matai tik rainelės spalvą?
O visgi. Sėdėt ant stogo, šalia jaust artimą žmogų. Tiesiog žinot, kad jis šalia...in any way... What more can i ask for?
painus koridoriai, peiliai sienose ir shiaip shuviu zhymes. kai kur griuwesiai ish kazhkada buwusiu shiltu ir jaukiu kambariu. raidzhiu, simboliu, nereikshmingu sakiniu, metaforu, ishmargintos lubos, pulsuojantis oras ir jame besigirdintys praeities balsai, juokas, asharos. eini toliau. matai nuotraukas, kuriose iamzhintos gywenimo nuotrupos, kazhkada buwusias reikshmingom. kai kur apdegusios, kai kur pablukusios nuo shwiesos, kaikur nuimtas ir ishmetytas po wisa koridoriu. zhingsniuojant tolyn prasideda kambariai, jej juos tajp galima pawadint. tajp, kazhkada jie buwo kambariai, kuriuose daug wisko gyweno, shiaip kokie smagus padareliai. dabar tushti. uzheini i wiena ish ju, pro langa shwiecia danguje pazhertos zhwaigzhdes. uzhuolaidos juda nuo wejo, zhaislai metosi ant grindu. tamsoj ishryshkeja menulio shwiesos uzhlietas mergaites siluetas, sedincios prie fortepijono, sawo plonais pirshtukais kuriancios leta ramia melodija, ishkeliancia lauk giliausius jausmus.. durys letai uzhsidaro taw uzh nugaros. muzika nutyla, pamatai melynas akis, zhiurincias i tawe, ir shwelnia shypsena, skirta taw. pajauti laikant kazhka sugniauzhta rankoj. nuleidi akis ir pasizhiuri, o ten mazhas sidabrinis raktas.
you look at a light, it's bright, makes you fell nothing, just it's warmth. just look at this fire, and it hipnotizes you...makes you forget all this shit that hurts you, you forget all, that EVER hurt you. the flames just seem to hug you. you look around, and you see just the rain. you're not afraid of it. you see the people that hide from it under the roofs, or umbrellas, or any shelter that they can find. but it soothes you. you just look at it as the raindrops fall to your eyes. through the water you look at the sky as through a caleidoscope. like through a dream, that's not true. it'll still remain a dream that i suppose isn't meant to come true. because the voice of the water is just your imagination, just something you wish to hear, not necessarilly the truth.
klausai pas kaimynus kalancio muzono.
zhiuri i mirxincia lempa gatwej, ish kurios wisishkaj jokio tolko.
laikai drebanciom rankom stikline wandens, ir tiesiog zhiuri i virpesiu sukeltas bangeles.
pastebi ant grindu nukritusius tris kraujo lashus - rankoje suduzhusi stikline.
pro akis prabega wisi ivykiai, kuriuos nori pamirsht
kuriu nenori pamirsht.
uzhsimerki.
akyse stowi kito zhmogaus akys, kuriose pamatai tai, ko neturejai pamatyt, suzhinai...
turbut tai ko neturejai zhinot...
kur rituos? tajp paskendau sawyje, kad nebematau draugu, nebematau nieko, tik sawe, sawo gelmes. tajp, ish wienos puses geraj kartas nuo karto pasinert i save, susideliot wiska i lentynas, ir apskritai ishsiaishkint norus, swajones, sudet wisas parkes ir shiaip nesamones i 'past' lentyna, uzhklijuot 'no traspassing' juosta ir pamirsht. smagu wiska pradet tam tikra prasme ish naujo. jej dar nebutu tu nelemtu grandiniu, kurios laiko prirakinusios prie praeities nuoskaudu ir nusivylimu, butu ishwis nerealu. bet per daug noret nereik. pagalew tik reik atsispirt nuo dugno ir wel kilt aukshtyn.
weird feeling. nera nej parkiu, nej kazhkokio dzhiaugsmo ar aplamai emociju. keista kaj diena susitinki su draugu, ir taw tajp grazhiai ishskalbia smegenis, kad wiskas pasidaro pakankamai aishq ir logishka, tik lieka wienas klausimas: uzh ka?
how many times in my life did i fight everybody, just to defend my oppinion? why? no, not to protect someone or etc, i guess now it was just to feel better. so that i can do something to, that i'm ABLE to do something. all this time i felt like i was someone, a personality of a sort. but the more i think, the more i come to realise, that up until now i lived for everybody, but not me. i lived for my friends, my loved ones, always blamed myself, if something went wrong. but that bullshit! it's not my fault, and i'm not taking the blame anymore. just forget it. forget who i was, now i'm gonna continue fighting my way through this shit, but this time for a different purpose: not for someone else, but for me. maybe that'll make me a bitch and not as a good friend as i used to be, but i'm gonna have my life. well, and as for the people that won't like it, well that's just not my F*&^% problem ,)
i scream, but without a sound, i cry, but without a tear, i bleed, but without blood...
I woke up to the real life
and I realized It's not worth running from anymore
when there was nowhere left to hide I found out
that nothings real here but I won't stop now until I find a better part of me
I let those hard days get me down
and all the things I hate got in my way
I could've screamed without a sound
I found myself silenced by those things they say
ha, net juokinga, isterishkaj. regis wiena diena wiskas geraj, taw sako wisi kajp wiskas grazhu, kajp wiskas geraj, susitwarkys, kitajp ir but negali. o ir pats mastaj, kad jau esi dugne, nuo jo belieka tik atsispirt. jo, o smengi dar gilew. ishgirsti zhodzhius, kuriuos ishgirst bijojai labewsiai, ir taj tajp banalu, tajp iprasta. shirdis suakmeneja, duru ten nebera. wiskas lieka widuj, ir tik widuj, o wisi shilti jausma ishgaruoja. tegu juos kas nors susirenka, gana. uzhtex tiket melu, matyt tai, kas nematoma, girdet tyla. ne, ash nepasiduodu, ash tik uzhsidaraw. nera nieko, ko negaliu padaryt wiena. nera dalyku, kuriu negaliu pasakyt tushtiems lapams...bet kartu ir nebera zhmogaus, kuriam norecew atiduot wiska...nebenoriu tiketi...
ka daryt kaj taw netyciom ir wisai kartais nenorom ismeigia peili i shirdi, bet ten ju jau tiek daug, kad nebera wietos...?
noriu tylos,
noriu tamsos,
noriu sedet ant mazhos salos krashto, kur wisur aplink bedugne, kad niekas manes nepasiektu.
nenoriu matyt shwiesos toly, nes taj tik iliuzija.
nebera tu lapu, kuriuose kazhkada buwo mano gywenimas, norai, swajones.
ju nebera..........
yra tik tyla, ir tamsa.
akiu melynumas, tampa pikla tushtuma,
jose nebelieka nieko - jokio dzhiaugsmo
jokio skausmo,
jokios laimes,
jokio liudesiu,
tik tushtuma....gili tusahtuma....
tas pat degtukas kuris kad ir wos wos shilde...
jis tapo melynu zhiburiu, zhudanciu, tyliu, tamsiu.
kuriam reik tiek nedaug...
ash kajp ir tu, sawo liudesio skoni jauciu
ash kajp ir tu, sawo baime turiu
ash kajp ir tu, kartais trokshtu pavirsti paukshciu
ash kajp ir tu, uzhmirshaw kas esu
apkabink mane, ash labai arti...
pasakyk ir wel, kad manim tiki...
nebera nakties, nebera dienos...
tiktai tu ir ash, cia ir wisados...
ash kajp ir tu, sawo nerima wel auginu
ash kajp ir tu, pasiklydes esu
ash kajp ir tu, pasiilgau spalwotu sapnu
ash kajp ir tu, minioje ishtirpstu
apkabink mane, ash labai arti...
pasakyk ir wel, kad manim tiki...
nebera nakties, nebera dienos...
tiktai tu ir ash, cia ir wisados...
tushcias nusiaubtas kambarys, kazhkur silos gilumoje kuriame tamsu, shalta...visi lapai, kuriuose kazhkada buwo surashyta wisa taj kas swarbu, wisa taj, kuo tiketa ir wisa taj, ka wisa sawo gywenima norejau laikyti sawyje ir nepaleist..wisi tie lapai dabar guli pabire, kai kurie ju jau tushti. keista, kaip wiskas ka laikej 'gywenimo prasme' pasimirshta ir tampa banalu ir niekam nebereikalinga ir nebeswarbu. paskutiniu metu wis dazhnew sedzhiu to kambario kampe ir zhiuriu i tuos pabirusius lapus. daugew kazhka daryt atwiraj net nekyla noras. keista sawijauta spirteli, kaj pats po truputi pradedi suwokt kas wyxta, kaj pastebi sawo tokius shuolius i sawe. atrodo gi sedi kawinej su gerajs draugaj, su kuriais realej liudna but negali, wedi wisaj nebloga conversation'a, ir stajgi atkreipi demesi, kad ju balsu ir to ka jie sako nebegirdi, juz hodzhiai nueina kazhkur kitur, bet ne i tawe. pastebi kad sedi wel sawo kambarelio kampe, zhiuri i tuos lapus apshqiestus mazho degtuko, kuris jau nebeteikia jokios shilumos...
hmmmm, jau kokia walanda kyla klausimas: kokia prasme sleptis nuo wisu, ir sedet kajp kurmiui uzhsikasusiam zhemese? jauties kajp pilkos mases atstowas, niekada perdaug neishsiskiri, neparodai kas esi ir kox esi. tajp, taj turi priwalumu, nudegi mazhew uzh kitus, sunku tawe iskaudint, kadangi net nelabai prisileidi ka nors prie sawes ir dushios paradines durys twirtai uzhtrenktos ir uzhrakintos keturiom spynom. bet ish kitos puses, neigauni jokios patirties, pradedi grauzht sawe ish widaus ir sawisaugos siena pradeda trukinet ir byret. ja griauna nepilnawertishkumo ir baimes jausmas. taj kas nors man paaishkinkit, kur logika? kokia prasme gywent tik su sawim ir pamirsht kas taj per daiktas shypsena ar nuoshirdus juokas? gal ir jausies saugesnis widuj, bet tajp ir mirsi wienas...
can someone please lend me the key to this damn door?
kajp kartais wiskas gali apsiwersti totaliai aukshtyn kojom. wiena diena wiskas geraj, sih wisu pusiu shypsenos, wisi patenkinti, kita diena tarsi totalus armagedonas. shypsenos patampa priekaishtajs, linxmi weidai apsiniaukia, akys pasidaro juodos, pilnos pykcio. ir wiskas del ko? del gywenime padarytu klaidu, kurias kajp bebutu gaila, daro wisi, wienokias ar kitokias. neklystanciu nera, yra tik tie, kurie nepripazhista sawo klaidu. wieni ish ju mokosi, kiti net neatkrejpia demesio i nieka, kas wyxta aplink...gaila tik tiek, kad pasimokom per welaj.
zhinau sawo klaidas ir zhinau ka darew netajp, bet persistengt irgi nebutina.
I lie alone
Alone in my bed
Crazy thoughts
Fly through my head,
I can't hide
From this pain
Burning flames
In my veins
Open eyes
Scared to see
The disguise
You wear for me...
I'm on the outside,
And i'm looking in.
I can see through you,
See your true colors...
Inside you're lonely,
Lonely like me,
Outside you're smilin',
While inside you scream,
Cause i can see through you,
Whilke you try not to cry,
And now that i see you,
You don't have to hide.
You're locked in a cage
And long to be free.
There's far too much rage
So express it to me
Scream in my face,
Break down in tears,
Don't let it hide,
It won't dissapear.
All of this time,
We've been so alone.
Give me your hand,
And i'll take you hime.
Throw the disguise
Right out the door.
Open your eyes
And i'll show you more.
I'm on the outside
And i'm looking in,
I can see through you...
See your true colors.
Cause inside you're lonely,
Lonely like me.
But you can see through me,
See me. The real me.
And right now i'm breaking,
Deep down inside,
And i'll fight forever,
I won't let us die.
All the tears,
That we hide,
Are with fears,
Deep inside.
I'm afraid,
And i fight,
But i'm alone,
Everynight.
And i hate
When you cry
Cause your tears
Shouldn't hide...
And i stand
Right outside,
The last tear
Has run dry...
But you're still lonely,
Lonely like me.
So welcome me inside
Inside your mind.
Don't have to be lonely,
Be lonely with me.
Cause now i can see you,
The real you...
And inside you're smilin',
Smilin' with me,
And outside we're cryin'
Cause noone can see
That inside we're happy
Together again
Take back the anger
Put pain to an end.
I kept my promise
And it's left unbroken
I know you're the one
The one that i've chosen.
Cause when i was outside,
And looked passt your skin,
You've looked back at me,
And welcomed me in.
***
too bad this one ain't mine.
kajp keista matyt zhmones aplink sawe krintancius ir nebenorincius atsikelt. kur prasme? juk gywenimas tuo nesibaigia. taip, matai aplink mirshtancius brangius zhmones, matai draugus parandancius wilti kada nors atsistot del sudauzhytos shirdies. jie to nenori, ir wienintelis dalykas kuris gali priwerst juos atsigaut yra jie patys, pasitikejimas kitais. i know, one person once told me - trust is a weakness. but i think trust is a virtue. visur ir viskame yra rizika. kazino - arba tu laimi daug, arba tu prarandi wiska ka pastatei, gywenime, arba tu surandi drauga, kuris del tawes atiduotu wiska, arba prarandi pasitikejima zhmonem ir krenti wel zhemyn. taip, dingsta noras kazhka bandyt, bet dugnas turi sawo priwalumu - nuo jo gali atsispirt ir pakilt dar aukshciau, tereikia drasos...
mol draugai mato, kai zhmogus parinasi. matai savo mylima zhmogu, kuris taip pat parinasi ir tau xujowa, nes niekuom negali jam padet. nori - bet negali. Viena akimirka reishkia wiska, viskas reishkia nieko. Vienas akiu kontaktas, suprastas ish abieju pusiu; kai zhmoniu shirdies duzhiai plaka wienu ritmu - reishkia gerokai daugiau nei wisas gywenimas praleistas su zhmogumi, kuriam prisiekiai meile prie altoriaus. Viena vienintele akimirka nepakeiciama. Mylimo zhmogaus atsakymas i tawo jausmus reishkia wiska. Kai ishgirsti tai - zhinai, supranti, kad TAI yra gywenimas.
how many times does the thought cross the mind of people, that they know their friends? for a mistake i thought so too. trusting people is like diving off a cliff into an ocean. you never know if you'll ever reach the surface again. for some reason it's weird. you lose trust in one person, you lose it all. you start to doubt even your closest friends, people that would always be there for you and never leave you in the dark. that's how i see the meaning of the word friend. naive, i know...
how can you regain trust in a person, if you lost trust in humanity itself?...