September 14, 2011

spoken to no further action

einu po darbo ismest senu kelniu ir parnest draugeliui shot'a.
padedu shot'a ant konteinerio, ziuriu i kuri ismest kelnes reikia pagal rusiavima.
trys mentai ant dviraciu apsuka rata ir privaziuoja.
eile kvailu klausimu, dokumentu patikra, lapelio "terrorism... help us defeat it" israsymas:

above male seen acting suspiciuosly around the bins. spoken to no further action.

geras atvirukas.

Posted by xdirtx at 3:02 PM | Comments (0)

September 11, 2011

bus stop, ealing, london

summer days are for chillin'! says yellow t-shirt on a chubby white boy smoking his cigarette under the dim light of a bus stop whilst the last day of summer turns into cold.

Posted by xdirtx at 8:40 PM | Comments (0)

chain of memories pt.2 (w)hole days, short raw lines

... wear your smile at all times
sunny park bicycle ride
shiny store three-for-two fever
constant smile kept on wide
lives made, viva la vida

... make me shut up
all these models
and shortcomings of mine
in the middle of town
i put my words carefully
to not hurt anyone
what's left is always here
my eyes close and i feel
nothing but sorrow
i can read, but i can't explain
how i feel, while i'm waiting
for someone to trap my mouth
in the speechless silence

... better version of me
i got my corners rounded
i got my viruses checked
i got my base updated
all the requirements met
i keep my firewalls intact
and my cache wiped out
when something gets stuck
i just tend to black out
i am an open source one
but i keep my rights too
too tired to go into this
not that it matters to you
i have this perfect code
one, zero, zero, one, zero, one
i wait for approval node
to be something instead of someone
a better version of me
2.01, 2.03, 2.05
a better version of me
stuck in between cables and knife
please, keep on my rss feed
this is all i need, this is all i need

... again
throwing up with the world
tools put in a hand
hammer, axe and shovel
build, kill and bury
and repeat, repeat
saying never again
build, kill and bury
past grows back
each time you thought
it is all over this time

... blind to endings
i don't want postcard seas
and situations i know
worn out smiles
and repetitive answers
i'm setting my own course
so far away that i cannot see the end
and if i would see it coming
i'd rather blind myself
and go on forever

... morning bus
sun leaks down every day
i can feel it more
on my hair, hands and my eyes
melting all the lies
i put myself through
to be just like you

... seemingly calm
i said hello, i'm ok
her eyes were searching for it
even when she didn't put them on me
talks and smiles filled the void
i stared through them
at the trees moving a little
by the wind coming from our side
i felt no time
when it ended
she found
that i was seemingly calm

... flower
it grows so nicely on my window's shelf
anxious desire to be alive

... night mission
i am on a mission
to cross the city
and not to see myself once
in the big windows
full of bright lights
there are people being
trapped in theirs smiles
i am on a mission
to cross self-pity
avoid eye contact
avoid eye contact

... (w)hole days
crystallizing the essence
knowing the way
shut the door
phone is off
dropping sweat
dropping semen
on the blood stained floor
oh, i must think of
things to do to feel better
when life tells you no
it's getting too hot here, i must go
into empty city
packed with people and cars
my mind is fading
packed with ideas and fears
in the prison of thousand mirrors
i walk my rounds
i feel something is broken
and i take back my vows
crystallizing the essence
knowing the way
i make a new vow now
to take myself away

... new forms
i moved away
with spiral breaking
from the circles
set on fire
by a thrive to be
big smile and shining eyes
checking up with the mirror
each time we learn
mirror is empty
each time we earn
its too heavy to carry
my mind escapes
the saddest glimpse of truth
growing up ugly
planting beauty around
and the spiral breaks out
of a dull happiness
and burning hate
merged in circles
by the who i am
i am, fist of self-pity
i am, habits learned well
i am, addicted to the lights of dark city
i am, fingers cut and thrown into well

Posted by xdirtx at 7:36 PM | Comments (0)

chain of memories pt.1 war-saw

warsaw this time doesn't seem like a cold big city with a lot of strangers. people walk around smiling, enjoying their sunlight, and i walk around them enjoying my solitude. my mind occasionally flickers to the points of my life which made me go there, and sometimes i still fell into alienation bits, but i call it "Henry Rollins experience"* and go on with my thoughts, revealing more and more about myself, situation i am into, and the whole life pattern business. later we will go to library with garden and a river on top of its' roof - can you imagine it? i can have garden in my mind, but the river? it just doesn't fit in. i'm looking forward to make more there.

* "there's a great feeling when you're totally resolved. when you make the jump from being lonely to being only. when you're so totally alone and absolute. when you are the number one. this is a great moment. finally you know something. it's all yours. when i have put myself through the human test and come through it still being able to say my name and knowing that there's nothing else for me and no one for me, i become stronger. my will power grows. i push my pain threshold out farther. i'm able to take more. i'm able to learn more." ... " best not to mix the past with the present. the present paints the past with gold. the past paints the present with lead. when i run backwards i feel the desperation rise. best for me to hurtle headlong into the present. never look back. maybe catch on fire if i do it right." ... "that's all there's - the Right Now. if we don't plant ourselves in the front row of the present, i predict that if any of us reach old age, we'll be sitting on the front porch thinking, "Damn, shoulda burned all the temples, screamed, danced and dragged life through the coals." i align myself with life's brutal headlong lunge towards Death. i am in motion at all times. waging war with Exhaustion. winning some and losing some." -------> Henri Rollins, BLACK COFFEE BLUES

Posted by xdirtx at 7:08 PM | Comments (0)

calling in london

- hello, i am calling about NI number.
- Ok, are you polish?
- no.
- Could you state your surname?
- Dubrovskij, D, U, B, R, O, V, S, K, I, J.
- Ok, and name, please.
- Denis.
- Again?
- Denis
- Is it Boris?
- no, its Denis, D for Danger, E for Equality, N for Nagasaki, I for Isis, S for Sickness.
- Ok, thank you, is 19th of September ok for you?
- yes.
- We gonna send you are a letter confirming your appointment.
- ok, thank you.

and in few days letter for Penis Dubrovskij arrived.

Posted by xdirtx at 7:01 PM | Comments (0)