xdirtx

children of fall txt

[kadangi jie vis labiau suzavi mane savo mirtimi ir ruosiasi mane nuzudyti [15/12 Lithuania, Vilnius @ TBA] bei vis dar tingi ideti txt, o jie yra verti surinkimo ir isvertimo [later, fox], tai ta ir padariau]

Children of fall

Bonjour tristesse

1. BONJOUR TRISTESSE
I‘m twice the loser in this struggle
Run from this lack of purpose - Run
or stay, because it will find us anyway
Escape yet another layer of escape
I wish this was only about you and me
I live the abstraction, I can‘t help how it makes me feel
As if nothing ever mattered, and as nothing ever will
Everyday I think about the everyday. All the petty thing we do and say
And everyone I see look too much like me
The freedom I was so sure of
going
going
Gone.
Now we don‘t move forward, just away
All our complicated schemes, like fireworks to keep away the witches
To shatter this omnipresent state, this new guintessence of existance
At least there‘s time to meditate on what we are -
the next generation empty-promise makers
Is it better to never have dreamt the dream
I‘m not so sure that I have. Just the dream of a dream of a dream
Welcome Boredom

2. FULL CIRCLE
On a grander scale, things don‘t look so grand
You see it turn
Imagine everything you never fought for slowly slip away
They suffer your rationale (would you have?)
While you sit at home with the essentials clear
Old ideas and older fear
It might be a mountain of shit, but at least it‘s yours
They suffer your rationale to the death
Our legacy is fire and the sword, and our priveleges are god-given
As sensible as the laws that ward them
They suffer your rationale
and the rational as it might be
it‘s just bigetry on a stick, I can‘t wait until it comes around
Matters of life and death, decided on a whim. And again it all relates to me
I‘ve grown more fond of myself at the expense of everyone else
This dead horse I‘ve been beating for quite some time has finally begun to reek
I deal with the world around me like I always have
I reep its fruit and I pray for its destruction
But now my motivation is purely boredom

3. CARTE BLANCHE
How did it come to this? Children, aflame with fury and gasoline
It‘s a sign of the times, like the Apaches over Palestine
No hope, no family, no self-determination, no future
The hate wasn‘t there but it sure was spawned
This is history not as an excuse, but as an explanation
Because this was always a war of aggression, to call it self defence
is to spit on the graves of a people denied its existance
This is not a matter of choosing sides, of being for or against one or the other
but of seeing each action takes for what it really is
Each drop of blood on the ground
In the refugee ghettos
In the city markets
Each drop of blood on the ground, spilt for what?
It is twice a tragedy, once for the lives lost, and once for the cold hearted rhetoric
of guilt-ridden intellectuals far, far away
Pointing long European fingers of blame, there‘s always someone else to fight their battles
All hail this global industry of fear
In this war there are no heroes to be found, forget about cause and effect
and throw another pitcher of oil on the fire, nothing can effect their cause
So one side eat the bullets, the other eat the fear, the hawks decide the rules
and their unlikely supporters cheer. Who‘s the romantic now?

4. GOD COMPLEX
It‘s gone too far. Nothing‘s going to save you now
I‘m staying here only to see how it will end
Count down the days, this machine is about to blow
We‘ve gone too far. And nothing‘s going to save us now
But you ain‘t got nothing on me
unless you count all that I‘ve done
Still I didn‘t tip the scales
either way
Created needs and desires, born onthe funeral pyre, hands tieds to our backs
This is dependency, depends on you and me to stay pawns in the game
Worship the sockets in the wall, free or not – it‘s too close to call
best to keep the questions simple
It‘s not about comfot or choice, that‘s just part of the divinity ploy
you got to love it to death
I don‘t know their motivation, those who built this world to depend on them
Just a need to be needed, because without control the illusion fails
We can‘t escape the event horizon, the mass of mass-consumption will pull us in
Is it too late to choose sides? the game is on, the lines are drawn
Everything is not enough

5. LAST CALL FOR ANARCHISM
I just want to have it both ways
At ease and unstrained
Peel the velvet off the bars and taste the steel
Wake up and smell the servants leash that you can‘t feel
or decorate the prison, settle for predictability
It‘s the classic conflict of freedom versus security
I just want to have it both ways
At ease and unrestrained
At least something more than these fractions... of freedom
Growing up we spent waiting for something to make it all worth while
Happily ignorant of past and present, hope was kept alive
This is where the real conflict is
with the disenchanting reality of that which has to change
The comfort and the bitterness might get the best of us
but this is at least a last call
for you know what

6. LAST CALL FOR ANARCHISM II
As our parents told us goothing tales and put us back to bed
Disillusion raided our homes and left us all for dead
Now all these little things stack up so high
as if towering before some distant bliss
Bend the earth, tear down the sky
but how to reinvent this?
This is where the real conflict is
with the disenchanting reality of that which has to change
The comfort and the bitterness might get the best of us
but this is at least a last call
for anarchism
And it‘s about time. Now we‘re back where it started
I remember lying home in bed, not caring anough to get up
I didn‘t care if i ever got up
Now I‘d rather live in chaos, than organise the destruction of the hope we had... once
I don‘t recognize anyone as the boss of me, but mostly I just want to believe
In something that‘s the opposite of everything that I‘ve seen

7. HALFHEARTED
My heart is beating though at times I find it hard to believe
I‘m not who I used to be, but the more I change the more I stay the same
Now I‘m just trying to decide whether I‘m better off
If I have any regrets
I think I do
There‘s something wrong, but I can‘t focus on it
just another brick in the wall
It‘s beyond control, or maybe I just want it to be
as least give me something to mourn
The status quo, is it mine?
My heart is beating in time with what I once knew to be false
Old promises I made myself are too easily forgotten now
What I‘m desperate for is any distinction between myself and my enviroment
I swear most of the time it feels like we are one and the same

8. ----------------------

9. PANORAMA
What about longer lives, at the expense of longer hours
What feeling better, but with a smaller range of emotions
What about anxiety as just another lifestyle accessory
And what about killing the machine just to keep the wheels turning
What about inadequacy and apathy? Different names for the same thing
Is it

Being smaller than the task at hand
Too much to care for, so we don‘t care at all
Then there are passive-aggressive brutes, yes I know all about you
And there‘s world politics with honorable intentions, with nothing
but dead children at its feet
What about Brazilian farmers, Chechnyan mothers, American indians, Saudi lesbians and first-world dreamers?
Yes we are all left wanting, it leaves us
Feeling smaller than the task at hand
Too much to care for, so we don‘t care at all
At least that‘s how it feels. This is who we are, less than we aspired to
And in our reflection, so have we shaped everything

10. A CRITIQUE OF LIFE AS WE KNOW IT (A message form the dead)
This sleeping city is a silent reaper
I‘ve heard about death and where to find it
Just open you hands and look closely
He who seeks, he shall also find
See you on the other side, you don‘t belong anywhere here
it‘s sad but so are you
It‘s not even news at all, and it won‘t sell any glossy magazines
the silence says it all
Most places have greater problems, but they tough it out only to get screwed
over time and again
Where we live it‘s the social codes and interactions, and what might or might not
trickle down
I care about the reasons but right now I‘m just calling a tragedy what it is
This is what happens after one too many broken promises
Just add up the pros and cons, see what a life is worth here and now
This is criticism at its clearest, but these cries fall on deaf ears
What are you meant to be? Just a number in a column
Is there anything else to hope for? Just a fancy funeral...

They were pilgrims as their weapon of choice they were armed with guitars, bass, drums and vocal chords. They were all new-born artists, prophets of no prophecies, hopeless dreamers and adversaries of boredom. They had but one common goal – to find meaning in the meaningless...
Bonjour tristesse – prepare to fight it down

Ignition for poor hearts

1. THE EYE OF THE STORM
Another circle has been completed
All meaning gone when it was most needed
So far found nothing but nothingness at the end of every fall
Time waits for no one, and I don’t know what I am waiting for
To look for life in the absence of death
Is to die a thousand times with every breath
For we are truly trapped, in between deliverance and damnation
Between the wildest dreams and the coldest hearts
in the deceptive calm of the eye of the storm
When in truth we wan to be, one with the storm
Oh, the humanity

2. UNBELIEVER
I wasn’t raised, I was broken down
Life was a torment whenever He was around
Instincts and impulses on my behalf just wasn’t allowed
Suppress all signs of a free will to make them proud
I come from a long line of dysfunctional males
but it was stepdad who taught me society’s ways
Please others, and obey their rules
what you think doesn’t matter, and neither do you
At least I was prepared for what was to come
At least I knew the feeling of being tied down
This is something you’re taught sooner or later
Trust authority and not yourself
(I guess I just learned it a bit sooner than the others)

3. DERAS BEHOV HAR INGEN GRANS
Jag forstar ingenting
sjalen ar nedtryckt
Lat oss se oss omkring
Hela byar ar borta
framlingarna har drankt dem
Deras behov har ingen grans
Jag star vid en strand
vid en strandlos strand
Lat oss se oss omkring
Gamla strander finns ej mer
Deras behov har ingen grans (vers 2)
Jag ser folk ge vika
pa ett oppet hav I ovader
Lat oss se oss omkring
Ratten blir inte langre rattvis
framlingarna har kravt
Deras behov har ingen grans

4. BECOMING LESS
All I know is that which surrounds me,
but I lack the means to comprehend it, and the language to describe it
it is the stuff dreams are made of, and then kept at the safe distance
the choices I am given, don’t seem like the choices at all
If I’m told often enough, I’ll end up believing I’m wrong
And I can’t say anything about it, except that it works
No priorities (of my own), such is my privilege, trust me it hurts
All I know is that which defines me, my belongings and my body
The rest is invalid, but I don’t want to be easily defined,
to be so easily kept in line
There’s no point of defying what we have become,
at the end of the tunnel there’s just another one
And the feeling of being reduced, can’t be reduced by anything
All I know is that which is me, and it’s becoming less

5. INTERLUDE

6.RITES OF PASSAGE
I was promised freedom and I was promised meaning
Didn’t think to question what I didn’t know I believed in
Maybe I didn’t see where I was going, maybe I didn’t care
Whatever the reason, I found my own way here
And this is the reward I get?
A pension-plan a pat on the head
I can’t believe that I was so easily misled
Adult, means better off dead
You’d better learn this lesson well
Neglect yourself or spend eternity in hell
Work hard to keep your passions under control,
if they’re still alive
To enter sacred adulthood, let your desires die

7.LEAST RESISTANCE
Along a path of pointed fingers
We move in frustrated silence
I’m told that our laws ensure efficiency
But it’s only in breaking them,
that we are free
At least we’ve got four years to make up our minds
At least they give us plenty of time
Maybe we can laugh it off again
… We’ve got plenty to laugh about
Entertained
Tamed
Reigned
… And we are to blame,
if everything remains the same

Along a path of pointed fingers
We move in frustrated silence
Along the path of least resistance,
don’t speak unless you’re spoken to

8. SICK OF MEDICINE
New pills for new diseases
that mend the surface but leave the inside in pieces
Another addiction, and another illness to cure
This could never heal us, but still we want more
And we all bleed
I thought it began and ended with me
couldn’t see the forest for all the trees
Desperate, isolated and full of anxiety
There are so many of us, already on our knees
No one is a threat with a knife to the wrist or a gun to the head
There are those in this world that want us almost, but not quite, dead
And if you cry yourself to sleep,
five or six or seven nights a week
Know that it was meant to be

9. INTERLUDE

10. KEEPING IT REAL 2
They came across the seas to conquer,
with smart bombs and stupid hardcore bands
Welcomed by willing turncoats in Victory hoods and $1000 suits,
they set out to make the world a target market
Yankees go home
Everyone is so fucking angry,
but I can’t hear a word you’re saying
If this is your alternative it means nothing

11. OUT OF FATE’S HANDS
We have all been deceived. We’ve been led to believe,
that our most secret desires can’t be achieved
Maybe that’s why we dream only at night
Out of sight, concealed by drugs or sleep
How hard it can be?
To take our direction out of fate’s hands and into our own
We need to set a new course, because I’ve got places to go
And we need to take ourselves more seriously,
if we are to be all we can (all we wish for)
It seems that for our generation
irony and disillusion go hand in hand
I dare not speak of rewards, but it’s time for…

12. RECLAIM LIFE
Perhaps it’s already late
to set this crooked world straight
So what are we gonna do?
Well, there’s nothing I will not
We need the streets and the airwaves back
But more than that, we need to get our lives back on track
Because we know all too well what happens
when a bitter hand betrays a broken heart

Explaining the explanations: The lyrics for each song are not meant to need any clearifying, should you be interested however, please read the following and consider it comments on the same subjects as the matching song. Or whatever you feel is best.

1.THE EYE OF THE STORM
For a lot of people the term “quality of life” means that they are protected from unpleasant things such as cold, hunger, pain etc. But also to be spared from the unknown, from the not expected, because they want to eliminate the possibility of having anything bad happen to them. If you take away the risk of having unexpected things happen to you, your life is of course going to be rather predictable and unchallenging, and you’re going to miss out on a lot of experiences you might have enjoyed of found challenging. But still a lot of people are willing to make this trade off. But not everyone. The problem is that the western way of life is based on this thinking, and we are expected and encouraged to build our lives on safe routines. And the number of bored, desperate, even suicidal people living under such good economic circumstances is proof enough that the life is more than the absence of death.

2.UNBELIEVER
A lot of children are taught at an early age that main objective of there is to live according to the rules and expectations of their parents, rather than to find happiness and freedom for themselves. Now, a lot of children are smart and lie or sneak their way to adventure and expression of their individuality if they have authoritarian parents, but this will not always work. So a great number of people enter adult world already accustomed to its ways, please others and obey their rules – what you think doesn’t matter neither do you. And what’s worse, when you’re “grown up” society tries its hardest to make sure that you don’t fail to follow its rules or respect its authority. At least some of us were prepared for what was to come.

3. DERAS BEHOV HAR INGEN GRANS
The lyrics for this song are originally a poem written by Samish poet Paulus Utsi (1918-1975). It deals with the frustration of having the “strangers” (the Swedish authorities and church) consolidating Samish land and forcing “civilized” laws and gods on them, to the point that when this poem was written Samish culture was on the brink of extinction, and their lands steadily growing smaller. It is reminder to us all what can happen to people who are considered different.

4. BECOMING LESS
We all have dreams (hopefully) of a different world and a different kind of life, since this world leaves a lot of to wish for. And if we are to believe society, money and material wealth are the keys to realizing our wishes. But it seems that the pursuit of those things is what makes our dreams impossible to fulfill. I think we can be so much more than these roles that are assigned to us, be it “worker”, “student”, “wife”, “tourist” or whatever. Because the feeling of being reduced, can’t be reduced by anything, and we could become more than this.

5.INTERLUDE

6. RITES OF PASSAGE
When I went to school I remember that the only thing that kept me going was the conviction that everything was going to be so much better when I was finished with it. That somehow when I was out of school, I would be able to live freely and only do things that I wanted. I see now how naïve that idea was*, but I would never have suffered through all those years without it. I wonder where I got it from. Eventually I more or less had to get a job, even though I didn’t particularly want to. And it took me a while to see that all those years in school, and all the energy spent at work only led to one thing: more work. The privilege to getup the next morning to do same thing, and the next, and the next. To enter sacred world adulthood, let your desires die. I quit.

*Not that freedom is a naïve idea, but that it will be yours without a struggle surely is.

7. LEAST RESISTANCE
We make choices every day, but it seems that the most important ones are beyond our understanding since we aren’t allowed to make them for ourselves. For example, in the economy in which we function (whether we like it or not) we are free to choose between products, but we have no say in how the economy itself should be organized. That’s for the professionals (not us) to decide. Of course we have the right (!) to vote. So that’s one choice every fourth year, a choice between being represented by a liberal professional politician or a conservative professional politician. Fuck this representation, I see things around me I want to change every day. And sure, our laws ensure efficiency, but I’ve had enough of being efficient. Let’s get free.

8. SICK OF MEDICINE
We all know that more and more people are suffering from various kinds of depression, most likely someone you know well do. And it’s not hard to see why, our days are becoming more and more of a routine, and at the same time we struggle to live up to the fabricated image of success and beauty that we are bombarded with every day. So what to do about this? Well, rather than encouraging us to make fundamental chances in our lives that are obviously unfulfilling and too demanding, society tells us to take medicine (drugs). Because if you’re feeling bad, the problem must lie within you, and not in how our society is organized. And don’t forget that this is a good way for pharmaceutical companies to make a profit, because we all bleed.

9.INTERLUDE

10. KEEPING IT REAL 2
Whenever an American hardcore band comes to Europe they attract a bigger audience than a European band would, and I can’t help out but wonder why. It’s not because they play their instruments better, or because they sing about stuff is more revelant. The only reason I can think of is that they have the largest merchandise tables, and that surprisingly many Europeans, even in the hardcore punk scene, are impressed by American stupefying culture. Though there are exceptions to this rule, I would rather hear what an eastern European or an Asian band has to say.

11. OUT OF FATE’S HANDS
A surprisingly large number of people have this vague belief in what they call fate. That things are “meant to happen”, if a person breaks her leg she might say, “well, maybe it was fate”. And to a point this may not be a big deal, but if you think for a minute about what this implies… Some people seem to think that whatever happens to them, it was meant to be, and they couldn’t do anything about it because it was decided by fate. If you think about it, this is just modern western post-Christian thinking taken a step further. You can’t change your life unless it was meant to be. You’re a passive participant in your own life, things happen to you, you’re not active, and you don’t make things happen. And I think that this is a really conservative, counterproductive attitude. If can’t be that hard to take our direction out of fate’s hands.

12. RECLAIM LIFE
We had this song ready when we went on tour once, but there were no lyrics for it. We decided to play it anyway, with improvised lyrics every night, and after a while the words became more and more permanent. It’s hard to say anything more about it, maybe you can feel where it’s coming from.

Riding a broken vehicle

1. BODY PARTS
My steps are retraced. I’ve had my shit mapped out and thrown in my face. See me for what I am, as I see this for what it is. It’s not that I don’t care. But what about all those times I swore I wouldn’t be marked, that I would defy this blood in both head and heart? When did I give up, when did I cease to be? Like father like son, this doesn’t mean shit to me. Know also that I hate my own eyes as much as I hate all this. Just like I hate the half of human kind that think with their dicks. Say what you will about me, as long as you don’t say it to my face. And I’ll pretend that these aren’t my steps, which have been retraced.

2. CHILDHOOD: EPISODE 1
I just can’t decide how I should feel about you. It seems too easy to hate, but I don’t really have a clue. Because it’s an emotional decision, not an intellectual one. And no one can ever tell me what it was (is) like to be your son. You are the perfect example of everything I don’t want to be. Rest assured that I’ve learned the lesson, and that I’ll make something entirely different of me. Sure I wonder what you would say if you me here. But not enough for me to shed another meaningless tear. If I ever cried, it was for all that I never had. Not even voice once for missing someone like you to call me a dad. Six years later and all I know is that I’m not rid of you yet. Now it feels like it’s the last chance I’ll get. And it might seem like a harsh thing to say? But I don’t miss you anyway.

3. MUTE
I’ve never done anything right in my entire life, so why start now? I’d speak my mind if I could; I would if I only knew how. It is at times like this that frustration comes to call, because I can’t explain at all. Maybe I’m wrong, but I feel like everything is the same year after year. And now I’m living my worst fear. But I won’t be kept here. Maybe I’m wrong, but this feeling of hopelessness has been with me for far too long. It’d be so much easier, if I could just find the words. If I could just make the effort.

4. KEEPING IT REAL
It’s not up to me to determinate what is real. But I can’t help feeling cheated when you tell me how you feel. And again, it’s not for me to tell right from wrong. But what’s the point of this if the sincerity is gone? Are we keeping it real? If you’ve got something to say then say it. Just look me in the eyes and say it. Where are all the real punks at? Something’s got to give, and that’s that.

5. SHAKE THE HEAVENS
One look in the mirror that reflects nothing but my dysfunctionality. Face to face with every demon there to witness the final downfall of me. All lies must be burned, so I set myself on fire. Tried all stairways from hell but couldn’t really get any higher. I’ve been here for as long as my memory allows to reminisce. The tainted and violated kid who was never granted innocence. Oh God, I guess you just forgot about me. That’s okay, I can imagine how busy someone like you must be. And when fires reach to shake the heavens it’s just me you see. In flames I’ll cleanse my being to finally be free.

6. EASY LIVING
Another day, another fight for control. Recently I’ve lost more that I’ve won. Any reason at all will make me flee. Self-deception has become second nature to me. Easy living is just too easy. At times like this I don’t even feel alive. Another day of being force-fed the same shit. I just don’t have the stomach for it. Not just a pair of jeans, it’s a way of living. And I hate being here, on the receiving end. It doesn’t even surprise me that someone is selling it. But I can’t believe that there are so many of us trying to buy life, as if it came in a box.

7. KILL ME
(If this does not kill me, then surely nothing will) I am as desperate now as I have ever been. Frustration doesn’t even begin to describe the state I’m in. Suddenly there are too many harsh truths to face, and the medicine is too hard to swallow. All that’s left for me is this void, that I’d kill myself to escape. I’ll carve my heart out with these infected fingers; it has no place in this corrupted body. They say that there will never be cure fore cancer, but numbing the pain… is just giving it a new name. It was I who made this world what it is. And what goes around always comes around to drag you down. Frustration doesn’t even begin to describe the state I’m in. I just want to wipe the slate clean.

8. ANYTHING FOR SOMETHING
They play it hard on our fear. We consume to escape but there’s no shelter here. Balancing on chalked out lines. Lost our hopes and dreams somewhere deep inside these confines. But one who’s lost it all reaches for anything to be free. Even if he’s stuck in between acres of concrete machinery. So will you tag along on this crusade. Nothing will come easy and I too am afraid. But this world needs us more than ever. And my heart tells me that it’s really now or never. So let’s arm ourselves with what we’ve got, let’s bring our passion and our pain. So are you with me giving everything even if it might be all in vain.

9. AGAIN
How pathetic am I? Trying to sell myself my lost hated lie. Looking away when my hands are being bound. Setting myself up just to get kicked down. What’s left of me? There’s so much left to be. And I’m so concerned with things that don’t concern me. So much I’ve dreamed to see. So much I need to be. What is life if I’m not concerned with what I really feel? We always want something else than what we’ve got. We want to be something that we’re not. And when I say ‘we’ I really mean ‘me’. Because this far all my plans have failed. The losses are too painful to be named – and that’s not even half the truth. I know that I am my own worst enemy. ‘Growing up’, confusing life and security. Forever accepting the default version of me. Dying instead of living, addicted to passivity.

10. ARBEIT MACHT FREI
There is no me. No time, no energy. And let me just ask you this: are we having fun yet? Forgive me for whining, but I’m not going to get used to this.

Punk rock is stagnating, and so is the so called hardcore punk. The whole world is stagnating, if you want to call it that. Things are getting scarier and more fucked up with every single day that passes us by, more and more people are starving in developing countries; and in the so-called industrialized parts of the world of the world we are becoming even more alienated, underpaid, desperate and apathetic. As humans we all suffer from this. It is clear that society has forced lives upon us, that we would not choose for ourselves. We live under political and economic system that uses most of us to benefit a few, we are the tiny cogwheels that make the gigantic machinery work, a machinery that exists and thrives at our expense. This is not news to any of us, in fact, this is the only world we know. It is the vision of something else that animated us.
This record may not offer solutions on how to make this world livable again, it is rather a testament to the emotions that we have to deal with in contemporary society. This is the world as seen through our eyes, and this is how living here and now makes us feel. Maybe you feel the same way.
The solutions are the natural next step, a step that we should try to take both as individuals and as a collective. We all have to recognize our potential, and our need for change in everyday life. One thing that is certain, is that we can never be content with knowing that our lives are unfulfilling; if we won’t live our dreams and visions, no one will do it for us. If we can define the problems, then we can also design the solutions. Our revolution.
We will not settle for less.

Children Of Fall, May 25, 2000

Posted by xdirtx at October 26, 2005 4:24 PM