xdirtx

vakar per koncerta mazam kambariuke

kazkaip sedejau ir ziurejau i vamzdi. po to atidariau dangteli, buvusi ant jo. o ten laikas. uzstiklintas. kartais bego greiciau, kartais leciau, kartais is viso sustodavo. kol kitas pankelis nepasidalindavo su pasauliu gabaleliu saves. tada laikas vel pradedavo suktis labai greitai.
kazka rasiausi sau i knygele. deliojau laisko skeleta. Luis ir jo draugas is KOPI skvoto neseniai perdave po LaFraction koncerto likusia benefito infoshopui dali - 173 euru. reikejo parasyti jiems laiska. norejau parasyti jiems laiska. paskutiam maile is ju, po 80 euru, kuriuos jie kazkada atsiunte Gyvui, jie klause apie infoshopa, Gyva ir pan. taip ir nesusiruosiau jiems atsakyti iki pat vakar, nes atsakyti vienam zmogui, ir neatsakyti kitam man vis atrode nesazininga. dabar taip neatrodo, nes supratau, kad neatrasinejau del kitos priezasties. rasiau jiems stai ka:
...and gyvas is running more or less ok also, just in general it is clear
that the place has no bright future, so i am starting to look for some
alternatives more entensively next week (hopefully), but the bands would
come, and teenagers would get drunk.. that's the biggest problem - the inner
one. once you figure it out how to go on completely without enetertainment
industry shit, you won't stop at any other barriers, be it money, or so.
but these days i feel too often giving away so much energy for just
another entertaining evening of we-dont-care-why-should-we people +
having no time therefore to go on deeper and try to give them idea of
things to be + having no time for other SO LOTS OF AWESOME THINGS going
around. that basically happened cause i run into taking-care-of-everything
stuff again, which is my thing i can't rid of (on the other hand i can't
really feel there are people around who show interest+whom i can trust on these),
so i got exhausted. making concerts to create subversity or making
concerts to pay the rent, you know. 'summer hollydays vs. punkrock
routine', right like that.
so, at the moment i am still going in 'auto' mode, just now i'm setting
gigs for november/december/january, etc., but i'd like to change 'mode'
rather into 'mood' and then find the ways thing gonna be still exciting,
rebelling or either just quit and try some other thing.
ir panasiai. i kita lapeli uzsirasiau 'pakalbet apie tai su verbaiciu' ir nuvedziau rodykle iki laisko skeleto. Tylus Spengimas grojo geriau nei tikejausi, tad likau kambariuke iki ju grojimo galo. man net pasirode, kad ten buvo geresnis garsas. per ta laika kiek pravaliau skaitliuko stikla, kad geriau butu matyt kaip juda ketvirtoji, desimtasias vandens kubo skaiciuojanti rodykle. nes is pradziu atrodo, kad ji nejuda, bet labai isiziurejus, neatitraukiant akiu kelias pradedancios punk-hardcore grupes dainas, gali pastebeti kaip jos padetis truputeli pasikeicia. is pradziu atrodo, kad cia akys klysta, asaroja, bet po to supranti, kad ne. sis vandens laikrodis is tikro veikia. atsitraukes uzbraukiu ka esu parases Luisui, nes suprantu kad tai bloga nuotaika+egoizmas, del to jauciuosi dar blogiau, todel palieku tik pastebejimus, kaip antai: but the bands would come, and teenagers would get drunk.. ar making concerts to create subversity or making concerts to pay the rent. fuck, kaip sunku rasyti tuos laiskus, kuriuose turi rasyti blogus dalykus: ,,gerbiama piliete, jusu sunus zuvo Bagdade" ar ,,tu nuostabus zmogus, bet nemanau, kad tinkam vienas kitam" ar ,,drauge, sis pankrokas nixuja neveikia". sunku, nes kai aprasai juos, turi juos perprast ir nugalet ir surasyt vilties koda, nes be jo, tas laiskas yra nevilties zinia, kuria tersi pasauli, savo silpnumo ir egoizmo parodamoji versija, nes tarp visu savo kompiuteriu, parduotuviu ir televizoriu retai kas is tikruju pasiekia toki nusivilymo lygi, kuris pateisintu jo(s) spjuvius aplinkui. nusispjoviau ant stiklo ir nuvaliau visus nesvarumus nuo laikrodzio. Tylus Spengimas nustojo groti. namie perrasiau ta laiska. siandien zaidziau futbola. daug griuvinejau. daugiau zaidziau iki galo. grizau purvinas, paverges ir patenkintas. einu miegot. viskas gerai. iki